27 and Single

I’ve been wanting to write a blog on singleness for a long time, but was having a hard time articulating my thoughts. Fortunately, God knows how much I like telling stories, so I was recently part of a very ‘interesting’ situation that has allowed me to create this blog.

Screenshot 2014-07-21 13.15.51

I’m an almost 28 year old female which therefore results in my singleness being a regular topic of discussion.  My reaction to people’s comments and questions vary greatly depending on the person making the comments and my current level of annoyance.

I am typically able to get over my annoyances after a brief rant with my roommate, but after this recent experience, I decided it’s time to put my words out there.

***

The School of Promise recently hosted a male substitute teacher for two weeks, while one of our teachers was in America.  He was a man, my age, very handsome, well dressed, well off and… believe it or not, single.  He came to Thailand solely to help us out for the two weeks and therefore had no other responsibilities–no team, no where else to be.  Saying this dude was ‘available’ was an understatement.

The matchmaking attempts began immediately–and being honest, I was fine with that.  This situation (a single male coming to volunteer at the school,) is such a rare occurrence that I wanted to take advantage of it and get to know him.

I quickly (after our first one-on-one hangout) realized I wasn’t interested in this person.  While he was handsome, yes, and easy to talk with, we had extreme differences of opinions and world views.  Our convictions on how to live our lives did not match up at all.

I was not interested.

But, wasn’t opposed to hanging out with him on a friendly level while he was here.

It’s at this point that things started getting annoying.  The staff at the school could perceive his apparent interest in me–he was very intentional and sought out time with me as much as possible–so their chatter, gossip and speculations were swirling around the school.

I had been married off.  One person was even kept up at night because she was having ‘anxious dreams’ about me leaving the school and moving to this fellow’s country.

I didn’t really want to talk about him while he was still working at the school, so I let the comments slide for a couple days, but also tried to let the teachers know that I was not interested in him and that we were just friends.

And here’s the kicker… no one could understand why I wasn’t interested.  I tried hard to not slander him while he was here, and so my words of ‘we’re just friends,’ or ‘I’m not interested in him,’ or ‘we’re just very different,’ were rebutted with things like:  ‘But, he’s so handsome,’  ‘He’s a Christian,’ or my personal favorite, ‘But like likes you so much…’

One teacher went as far as to say, ‘If you turn him down, this will be your last chance, you’re getting old and there won’t be anyone else.’

Laughable.

(I like to think she was joking… but you never can tell.)

The story ends with me having to be incredibly firm in my ‘dis-interest’ in this man and while he was willing to marry me and take me away from Thailand… I let the marriage train pass me by.

***

But, In all seriousness–I don’t understand.

I don’t understand why marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is more desirable than living the single life.

I see and understand the draw of marriage–it is a good and beautiful thing, finding someone to walk as partners in life with—but, I also don’t see marriage as the end all of life.  I don’t see marriage as a goal to work towards (winks to my team leaders…) and I don’t see singleness as a stamp of living an unfulfilled life.

Singleness is not a synonym for loneliness.

Singleness does not mean that I am not mature enough to be in an intimate, committed relationship. [I could go on soooo many tangents here…]

Nor is my being single a punishment from the Lord for my not being ________ enough.

My being single just means that I’m single.

***

Honestly, I (maybe controversially) don’t believe that marriage is a promise from God.  It is probably one of my biggest pet peeves in life when people quote Psalm 37:4 to me as a ‘cure’ for my singleness.

In case you don’t know:

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

You know what, the deepest desire of my heart is not marriage.  The deepest desire of my heart is to look more and more like Jesus.  And I do believe that He will fulfill that desire…though I’m very far from having arrived.

***

I am single.  I am 27, and I’m okay.  I’m more than okay, I’m happy.

I’m living my life fully, I’m saying ‘yes’ to the opportunities in front of me and I’m trying to follow Jesus’ leading in my life.

And I am definitely not someone you should pity.

***

All this to say, I am not anti-marriage, nor am I going out of my way to stay single, however, if I never put on that white dress and walk down that coveted aisle, I will be just fine.  I will continue living my life confidently and securely as a powerful woman of God.

The end.

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22 Comments

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22 responses to “27 and Single

  1. Stephanie

    Love this and love you!

  2. Jo Grotelueschen

    Especially loved this writing, Samara, because would you believe … there are also lots of people who think someone who is 60, widowed for 18 years and still ‘single’ is in need of dating help? 😉  Here’s to ‘single’ women who are just trying to look more like Jesus, to walk hand in hand with the best daddy ever, and who knows what He has in store? He’s always full of wonderful surprises. Love and miss you! 

       Blessings, sweet girl ~       Jo   ‘Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. And do everything with love.’ ~ I Corinthians 16:13-14. 

  3. angel

    love your life to the fullest.
    follow God where he sends you.
    sometimes (not always) having a family can keep you from going.
    I love you single or married!
    (I will just be Gramma to all your Thai students…. and Gesham & Iris) 🙂

  4. juliegrote

    Perfectly written, love. 🙂 Adore you and your beautiful heart.

  5. Jennifer Yoder

    I didn’t get married until 36! So glad I waited until the man of God I desired came along!
    I have to admit that I had many years that I was happily single and some that were I was not so happy I was single! The cool thing is that God is Good ALL THE TIME! AND He won’t make us marry someone that is “good enough”! He loves to surprise us!
    I delighted to say that 4 1/2 years into marriage, God has tied our hearts and dreams together like never could have imagined!
    Totally worth the wait!

  6. I needed this… So timely. I miss you!!!!! Love you 🙂

    • samara marie

      Mer!! I’ve been thinking about you A LOT lately. Skype?

      ส่งจาก iPod ของฉัน

  7. Tom

    Samara, you can’t put sunshine in a box. Christians just want us to fit into their box of understanding (being married) or it makes them uncomfortable. Once you find Jesus, you don’t NEED a husband. It would be nice, but he has to be equally yoked. He can’t decrease your faith or love for Jesus or it doesn’t make any sense. Your personal life is no longer personal once it becomes everyone else’s business. Beware that Christians sin differently than non-Christians; gossip, judgment disguised as opinion, leaning on their own understanding, disobedience, twisting scripture to fit situations that are not parallel. We all fall short of the glory of God. Christians are blind to their own sins, but we have to love them anyway. Jesus teaches us to love sinners and not to judge. The church teaches us to hate the sin, but love the sinner, which is an oxymoron. We can’t hate with out first judging someone for their sin. God hates sin, but we are not God. So beware, listen to your spirit, and don’t worry, God knows what you need even before you ask.

  8. You are, in a sense, a nun. Not like on purpose or anything, but you are devoting yourself to God in a way that is perfectly suitable for the Christian life. There have been many great women who never married, St. Mary of Egypt, Mother Theresa, St. Theresa of Avila for instance. St. Theresa wrote this wonderful poem:

    Let nothing disturb you.
    Let nothing make you afraid.
    All things are passing.
    God alone never changes.
    Patience gains all things.
    If you have God you will want for nothing.
    God alone suffices.

    “God alone suffices” for Samara. As long as you don’t feel alone and in despair, God has called you to be further transformed into His likeness and communion with him. Us “Marrieds” need people like you to remind us that our lives aren’t our own but they belong to Christ.

  9. Simon

    As someone who has been single a bit longer than you (I was going to say but I will keep it to myself), I have many friends praying for me to find that “one”. So far the “one” hasn’t appeared. Although, I love to hang out with girls more than guys, and many people think that this is wrong, but I am a good guy who doesn’t really have to many close male friends. I enjoy just hanging out with girls.

  10. Amy

    BEAUTIFULLY said! So right on. 🙂

  11. most of the time people mean well, but sometimes the questions and comments on singleness can be crazy.
    gotta love it:)
    thank you for writing and sharing this!

  12. Paul

    That was an amusing story. I’m sure the other teachers and staff meant well and care about you, but it sounds to me that their comments were based on an underlying worldview that is common in the church here in the USA as well: that everyone HAS to get married, that you haven’t really succeeded in life until you’ve gotten married, that it’s the goal of married people to try to find spouses for their single adult friends, and the assumption that everyone who is single is desperately trying to get married. This worldview is a lie. I hate it when married guys (especially guys I hardly know) try to offer me their unsolicited surefire dating advice on the assumption that I’m chomping at the bit to get married (this doesn’t happen to me often, thankfully). I also hate it when they offer me their unsolicited surefire advice on climbing the ladder at my job with the assumption that I’m planning to stay at my current employer for years to come and build an “American dream” life for myself in Omaha (nothing could be further from the truth). But that’s a different subject. Oh, and the comment (if serious) about that guy being your last chance is designed to cause you to make a decision out of FEAR. God has not given us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7).

    The Psalm 37:4 reference is amusing. I’ve never had someone quote that to me in relation to marriage. Aside from the obvious issue of that verse being taken out of context (if you read the chapter, I don’t think marriage is what David was referring to), I think you hit the nail on the head when stating the deepest desire of your heart isn’t marriage. Again… why do people assume this is the only desire a single person can have?

    Anyway… I appreciated this venting. Occasionally I’ve had similar thoughts. Singleness truly is a gift. There are things single people do that married people can’t do (one of my personal favorites is traveling). I’d recommend following God and letting Him lead you in whatever future He has for you.

  13. Paul

    LOL… Zach Perkins called you a nun…

    • samara marie

      haha… yes, he did. he’s not the first–i’ve even joked about it myself. I would consider nun-ing-it-up in real life if it wasn’t for their choice of wardrobe. 😉

  14. Traci

    Amen! I agree completely – marriage is NOT the end goal/desire of life as some women tend to believe. It is hard work and a huge commitment – not something you jump into just because “it may be your last chance” – yikes! That’s a scary thought! So happy for you that you are content in your season of life – so many people wish or “live for” another stage in life all the while missing what God is doing in the here and now! LOVE your joy and contentment in the Lord. IF God so desires, he will bless you with a man that fits you well and IF NOT, then HE will take you on another journey that is just as (& maybe even moreso – based on the writings of Paul) fulfilling & exciting as marriage – a depth of intimacy with the Lord that many married people may never experience! Love you Samara! You rock!! 🙂

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